Of Biscuits and Bums

Biscuits and Exercise have a commonality.

Biscuits and Exercise have a commonality.

Who knew that making biscuits and exercising have so much in common? I was reading the newspaper this morning and came across an article http://www.sunherald.com/living/story/1114389.html by Nancy Wall Hopkins of the journal “Better Homes and Gardens.” The article was on biscuits. As I skimmed the article, I was surprised to see that so much of what she said could also apply to exercising. What a surprise! Although, in retrospect, if we weren’t eating so many darn biscuits, we wouldn’t have such big bums and we wouldn’t have to be worrying about how to start an exercise program to whittle them down.

For example, Nancy says that you need to “work the lard.” Speaking strictly to myself (but y’all may apply this at will, if you like), I need to get off my lard-enhanced bum and get out walking or to the gym and work it, baby! Somehow I don’t think the excess pounds will be teleporting off me by the exercise of my mind alone.

Next you must “stir with a purpose.” No half-hearted exercising ever did much to redistribute fat. My grandmother whipped up some mean muscles in her day making many batches of biscuits. She didn’t do it by daintily dipping her spoon around a bowl of flour. She beat the daylights out of those batches of biscuit dough. I suspect you have to “go for the gusto” when exercising, too. Of course you will want to start slow and work your way up to more strenuous routines but have a goal in mind….a purpose or you’ll soon lose interest and motivation.

Nancy admonishes bakers to “handle with care.” It’s the same for all of us fluffy exercisers. We’re not Rambo, folks. I’m not going into a gym and expecting to do backflips. Goodness, I’m not sure I could even get off the floor without crawling over to something that I could hold onto to pull myself up. Know the limitations of your body. That being said, find a good personal trainer who will work with you…one who understands human physiology and not just some hotshot with a good physique. It’s ok to be gently challenged but you don’t want to be crippled.

“Go easy on rolling.” Oh, yeah! I’m with Nancy on this one. The last time I did any rolling around on the exercise floor, it was the 80’s, I was in a hot pink leotard, and there was a poster of Tom Selleck on the ceiling. It was all very motivational. Somehow, I think they could pin Tom Selleck himself on the ceiling these days and I still wouldn’t be able to do some of those moves that I was able to do back then.

“Let steam escape.”As someone who still has the occasional power surge, I think it wise to advise any woman of a certain age contemplating starting an exercise program, to dress in something cool. You are going to get warm….very warm. While those young things in the front of the class are touching their knees to their ears while chatting up a storm with their neighbors and looking cool and collected, we’re the ones in the back of the class who are beet-red, steaming like boiled cabbage and probably smelling like it, too. Give yourself a fighting chance.

Nancy advises you “Don’t twist” the biscuit cutter. I say, don’t twist anything on your body that doesn’t normally go in a left and right motion unless you want to smell like Ben-Gay for the rest of the week.

Finally, we’re advised to “keep it gentle.” That’s great advice whether you are cutting out biscuits or paring down a big bum. Be gentle on yourself. Consider each day that you exercise a personal triumph. You will see progress and you will feel better for your efforts. But just like the biscuits, you’re going to have to take some heat before you come out looking golden.


2 Responses

  1. Very funny! But, now I have a hankering for some biscuits.

  2. Nothing wrong with a good biscuit. My problem is I have to slather on some sausage gravy on top of it. Groan!

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