Never Let a Good Hot Flash Go to Waste!

Is It Hot in Here?

Is It Hot in Here?

I’ve had so many hot flashes over the years that I consider myself an expert on them by now.  Of course, I once heard the word “expert” defined as “ex” being a “has-been” and “spert” being a “drip under pressure.”  Boy, if that isn’t a definition of someone who has had hot flashes for almost 20 years, then I don’t know what is.  Although, I’d prefer to change the “has-been” to “been-there”.  So now you can define me as “been there dripping under pressure.”

Ok, so thanks to the marvels of chemotherapy when I was 40, I went into menopause at the ripe old age of 41.  Night sweats only lasted a year, thank God!  Hot flashes were another story.  Until we finally changed my medication for osteoporosis about 3 years ago, I was having as many as 5-6 hot flashes an hour while awake.    That’s fifteen years of high-level flashes, friends.  If that doesn’t put your knickers in a knot, I don’t know what will.

Hey, but now I only get about 5-6 good hot flashes a day so life is good.  And when I get a good flash, I’ve learned to put it to good use.  Here are a few suggestions for those of you going through that wonderful change of life right now.

When you feel a hot flash coming on, I’d suggest that you try one of the activities below, preferably in winter:

1.  Quick, let the dog out.  If your dog is like mine, she wants to go out all the time and usually I end up freezing while I’m standing in the unheated sunroom waiting for her to do her business.  But, when I feel a hot flash coming, I go seek her out and put her little furry butt out the door.  Then I stand there impervious to the chill and bask in the sublime coolness.

2.  Take this opportunity to organize your garage in spurts.  After all, you can only do so much in a minute and a half.

3.  Clean the trash out of your car.

4.  Sweep your front steps.  You’ll look tres European.

5.  Stand on your front stoop and casually survey your neighborhood.  Hope the bundled up walkers don’t notice your flaming pink ears.

6.  If you are at work, walk briskly to the nearest sink and wash your hands in cold water.  Tell your co-workers that you just opened a package that looks like the mail truck ran over it.

7.  If it is summer, don’t try suggestions #1-5.  You’ll only feel worse.  If at all possible, get to a freezer, open the door and stick your head inside.  If anyone walks by, mutter, “I know I’ve got frozen peas in here somewhere.”  If no one is around, grab the bag of frozen peas and hold it to the back of your neck.
Oh, I know what you young things are thinking.  You think the old “head in the freezer” trick is only done in sitcoms.  Well, let me tell you something, ladies!  You may be young now but believe me, there are frozen pea bags in YOUR future, too.

So…the next time your temperature spikes, try one of these suggestions or come up with some of your own.  A good hot flash is a terrible thing to waste.


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